Ripple
She felt the still water was warm, as she touched her fingers to her own reflection, blurring the image instantly. She closed her eyes and listened. She could hear a rhythmic beat and occasional twig break, someone approached at a walking pace. The path to her left turned away from her, she wasn’t able to see. So she waited, looking down again at the water, her image slowly returning. The boy was humming when he entered the space, only she had filled for five days. He slowed when he saw her and smiled shyly, but continued on to the waters edge. He walked into the water and stood looking up at the steep embankment, lush with new and old greenery, trees. Trunks had adapted into hands at their base to hold a place in time, vines became swings for the brightly coloured birds.
She watched the pulse from his presence in the water move towards her reflection, holding her fingers just in, to catch it. It reached her fingers and changed its pattern, he turned to look at her. “It is still here today.” The boy said.
“It is.” She replied.
It was fairly new to her, the sense of something unseen happening. She was trying to track it, build on it, trust it. She wasn’t sure when it happened just yet, time was getting bendy, loose, strange. She was catching energy. From right in front of her, or from someone thinking about her, or, from somewhere, else.
You can catch energy you know. Just like you can catch a ball or catch a cold. He caught it, the boy. You could hear him feel it, and decide to keep it, or to put it down, into the ground. it was instinct to him. She wanted this to be her instinct to, to be hyper, and at ease, to engage and have her sometimes senses. She felt warm and safe instantly and then it left, the feeling was complete and defined, it had edges, a beginning and an end. He looked at her and smiled, his eyes brightening. He had given her that feeling. It is how a newborn must feel. He walked out of the water and onto the path. She followed him through the thick native bush, remote and absolutely alive, the life that existed was unified, harmonious and thriving. Be here gently, she felt, we are guests. They walked up an incline, and came upon a clearing, he paused. She felt safe and encouraged, then met the edge of the feeling and it was gone. She watched as he considered his physical space, then walk a little way, pause, and sit cross legged on the ground. She tried to consider her physical space, she felt she wanted to move, the space directly across from him seemed to hold her gaze, she moved to it and sat down, yes this was it. She looked into his eyes, he held her gaze, then looked up at the sky. He faced her again and closed his eyes. She knew to do the same.
She felt warmth and stillness in the centre of her chest, so peaceful, it was love. She surrendered into it, only feeling, staying there, staying with love. It was a long time, she was enveloped. The edge wasn’t sharp, it faded, but she could still remember, she emulated the feeling, so beautiful, so full.
She opened her eyes, the boys eyes were open looking around. He was smiling just a little, still, wrapped in love. She could feel it again then. She saw steady sticks of light floating around them, two or three, not too bright, they felt kind, benevolent. Wise. She imagined this was how a child feels, when a patient and gentle grandparent tells them a story. A story of hope and truth, while they lay in their warm bed they have made them, with hand made blankets and clean sheets, a hot water bottle and a full belly of homemade supper. Loved, cared for, gently receiving wisdom, to help see the goodness, to remember, Love, the power of Love.
She felt she knew more then, or maybe less. She knew this.
All hurt is caused from a separation, disconnection. A disconnection from self or from others. When you compare yourself to others you are disconnecting from yourself. When you judge yourself, when you shame yourself, you are disconnecting from yourself. You can soothe yourself before it happens, find your feeling, your awareness in your body, is it in your belly, where hurt, anger and sadness feed and grow? You can practice letting the tension of this emotion evaporate, stopping your mind, feeling your awareness in your body. You can move your awareness back up, to you heart, you can move back to love. This is your connection to yourself, you, are love. That is all.
Feel seperate, heighten awareness, feel expansion, feel love, feel seperate, heighten awareness, feel expansion, feel love.
She had one feeling, no competing or struggle, her mind quiet. It is the absence of feelings that she felt, noticed, it allowed her to feel more, she was unified in love, she was being loved alive, absolutely consumed in love. She was lighter, more vast, without edges, without form.
Worry, anxiety returned to her, somewhere she started to disconnect from the feeling of love, she worried that she was disconnecting, the worry fed the worry, she tried to stop herself, shake herself back, she can still remember the completeness, she tries to emulate it.
Clearly in her head she hears.
Breech the known
Linger there
Be
Breath
Surrender all the silent screams
The white knuckles
and Gritted teeth
Let them go back
Soak in truth and beauty
Return to love
Feel
Safe
Feel
Free
Live Forever
You are
Complete
He was looking at her when she opened her eyes. The knowledge kept coming.
The separateness exists to make a space, a space to fill with love, always. Find the separateness, feel the separateness, fill it with love, grow. This is how we expand, this is how we grow our love.
The choice to seperate from wholeness, connection, is made with intent to expand love. In each separation we can choose to expand into love, and return to ourselves.
She was there until much later, the sun settled, the moon rose and stars shone. She began to come back and rejoin herself, new, enlivened and certain. She sat for longer, then lay down on the warm earth, watching the blackness behind her eyes and drifted off.