Following a thread

Photo by Erin Murray

I was bound, to those things I thought I was, to the things i accepted as true when i was too small to filter anything.  I can see myself, wrapped up, a twine around me and around me and around me, as I follow a thread it begins to unravel, the more I look the more it unravels.  When I reach the end I will find myself as I am, without all those things, I thought I should be.  

Those things that weren’t mine to learn, their lessons didn’t fit, but held me in place, my arms to my side, my steps short, my breath shallow. Until, I saw them for what they were.  Then the thread is pulled away from me some more, and unravels a bit more, bit by bit I am more myself, and I find more freedom.  

I learnt how to, not be, and when you are that, what it leads to.  Illness, of heart and soul, early death.  Sorrow and sadness, more than one should have to bear.  I can remember enough to know, that I don’t want the same cycle for my family or son, and now, even for myself.  

So I continue to unravel that thread, I can see myself spinning around as it is pulled off me, and I am glad for it.  It is, time to go, and be gone for good.  In choosing to break this cycle, I know, I will find more than forgiveness for myself, and others. I will find freedom, joy and ease.  

The feeling, that my son will have these things, joy and freedom, as a normal part of his day, is almost overwhelming.  Or, would have been, if I didn’t unravel enough, to know that it is more than safe to feel my feelings, in fact, it is magic.